The midlife cycle of change.

(Part 7 of the series “Navigating Men's Midlife”)

Over the holidays, I took some time to reflect on my own midlife journey and those of my clients. It was prompted by several people asking questions about HOW to transform during midlife.

MY MIDLIFE JOURNEY

In my early 40s I reached a point where I and my life was not what I wanted it to be.

It was a bit of a shocker to be honest, as it happened while I thought I was on the right track with a satisfying career, with lots of opportunities and hope for the future. The dissatisfaction sneakily crept up on me over a period of 3-4 years. The initial diffuse uneasiness became irritation, then disgust and pain. It was my call for change.

Then came the soul-searching period, with all its confusion, existential questions and sense making. In this period, my now wife was the best supporter I could ever have imagined. The disgust about me and my life slowly transformed into a desire – a desire that later became my new life and work.

With a newfound desire in my heart, I became clear on what within me I wanted to be seen more, and what I wanted to become. This was the point where the midlife process significantly shifted, from inner work to creating myself anew. I had defined my mission. I created an educational path (it took 4 years, but actually it never ends…), to build the new knowledge and capabilities I felt I needed for my life intention. I also changed my job, and moved to a role where I had the time to pursue my studies and experiment with my new “identity”. The educational fees and lower salary was the biggest monetary investment I ever made in my life, and a bet on me and my future that was both scary and logical.

This was my way to reinvent myself, and it led to the founding of novosensus and the life I live today. My journey is definitely not a blueprint to copy, but I do hope that it helps to see some of the moments you can expect to experience, and maybe there is some inspiration in this for your own inner midlife work.

Looking into on my own journey, and the journeys of my clients, a cycle of midlife change crystalises. 8 stages that evolve from inner work to external action.

The choices we can make.

During the midlife change cycle, we have many choices that we can make:

1 - Do I review my life, or not?

2 - Do I pay attention to emotional signals, or not?

3 - Do I dare reflecting on my current and future identity, or not?

4 - Do I start dreaming and listen to my desires, or not?

5 - Do I invest into developing a new purpose, or not?

6 - Do I start developing my intention for the future as a “business plan”, or not?

7 - Do I start experimenting and taking action on my intention, or not?

0 - Do I allow the process to start all over again, or not?

At any time, we can decide to abandon the process. Maybe the time is not yet right, or the pain is not bad enough. You decide what works for you, and there is no “right” or “wrong”.

The mission: When new purpose turns into a concrete intention.

Some mid-lifers realize that they want their future to be different from their lives up-to now. Their “next level” is something that is beyond what they were or did so-far, they want to expand, or pivot, and maybe they want to change their way of being. This is when the real fun starts…

In the moment when the unlocked dreams, desires and a new purpose is unleashed, the work can start on creating your new life/work intention, and bringing it all to life. For me personally, this was one of the best periods of my life, as I was on a deeply meaningful mission. In this stage, I also experience some of clients who seem to be propelled by a new level of clarity, confidence and sense of self-worth. They are able to utilize their past life and business experiences in a new way, and they are surprising themselves with their courage, entrepreneurship, and creativity. They are motivated by their purpose, and they live to bring their intention to life.

Don’t jump too fast…do the INNER work first.

 There is a lot at stake.

Be smart and bold.

What is it within you, that you want to be seen and utilized more?

The possibilities for the future are there, but I am not sure if they are limitless. I don’t believe that we can become and do whatever we want, but we can surely do and be more than who we are today.

I experience midlife senior leaders who chose to pivot into what they are already great at, and late-bloom in their leadership in their 50s. Others choose to invest their lives into topics of societal impact, some leave the corporate world to set up their own business, and yet others do a Phd so that they can become professors in their 50s. In fact, one of my clients in Vietnam chose this path, and it is extremely impressive to see her tenacity in bringing her intention and mission to life.

A big consideration that comes up for many, is around what is practical. Up-to this point, the focus has probably been on practicality in terms of salary, upbringing of children and safety.

But what if…

…you now make actionable what was previously impractical?

…you now live ro bring your dreams to life?

…you now can start to be seen more for what is really important to you?

If you want to go further into this, it may be a good idea for you to look into the concept of Ikigai and use one of the countless Ikigai canvasses to bring structure to your thoughts.  

Yours,

Henrik

The Echo Chamber & 20 Inner Enemies of Learning.

(Part 6 of the series “Navigating Men's Midlife”)

Sometimes, we can get caught in an echo chamber, where we co-create the illusion that we are always “right” and it is so comfortable here. We surround ourselves with people and opinions that reconfirm us, seducing us to believe that everything is just fine.

But it is problematic, both as a mid-lifer who has to find new ways, and also as a senior leader with a great responsibility for others.

But why is an echo chamber a “thing” at all?

Why do some leaders end up in an echo chamber?

Why is it particularly relevant for leaders in their midlife years?

In this 6th part of the series Navigating Men’s Midlife, we dive into what sometimes make us build an echo chamber, instead of engaging with the world around us with curiosity and openness. We look into 20 “inner enemies”, that are specific mindsets or beliefs that hinder us from listening, reflecting, learning and changing. They play out in business, as-well as in our private lives. When we succumb to these inner enemies in our midlife, we get stuck in how we used to be, want to be right and do not evolve.

The fresh CEO in a pickle.

The transformation of the organization stalls, and results are behind the (probably too high) annual target. His ExCom team does not rally around him as he had expected, and he feels that several of the its members “do not get him”. As a result, there is frequent dissent in the ExCom meetings, which frustrates him and make him loose his cool.

He only trusts his inner circle of 2, because they always understand and agree with him. They execute the way he wants them to, and they enable him to be the strong CEO he expects himself to be. The rest of the ExCom is sidelined. But in the last months the he had to walk-back several big decisions, and he starts to realize that important information is not reaching him.

It makes him feel lonely, insecure, nervous and suspicious.

There is a lot to unpack in this situation, such as the apparent lack of alignment in the C-team, the ineffective team dynamics or the CEOs lack of self-control. But instead, let’s look into a scenario that is a reality for some CEOs: They build and live in an executive echo chamber.

“Are you caught in your own echo chamber?

Me? Nooo….”

The desctructive need to be right.

When leaders reach the most senior executive positions for the first time, it is mostly a well-deserved consequence of business brilliance and great results, enabled by self-confidence and utilisation of signature strengths. These new senior leaders have been more right than wrong in their career up-to now, and it can be hard to not be a bit too full of oneself to a certain degree.

I have witnessed many such situations, where the “need to be right” has seduced the newly appointed leader into creating an unhealthy echo chamber. They believe that their past strengths and relationships will continue to make them successful, and they bring along an entourage of “comrades” who share their opinions. They create an inner circle with a high degree of allegiance.

While this closely knit team could in fact be a great asset and make significant things happen at speed, it can also become an impenetrable fortress that isolates itself from the organization. Behind these closed walls, the ruler rules, and only convenient information comes in or out. Leaders outside the fortress struggle to be heard, and are likely to turn silent or leave at some point.

Isolated in the echo chamber.

No senior leader deliberately creates an echo chamber. It is rather a subconscious process that starts with good intentions for high performance and great results. But at some point, the real or perceived pressure for quick results, combined with the senior leader’s need to be right, can create a tunnel-view where only affirmation, agreement and obedience is acceptable. There is a belief that there is no time and no need for alternative perspectives.

There can be several reasons for the senior leader’s “need” for an echo chamber. It can come from an outsized belief in one-self (hubris), the belief that one always knows better (arrogance), experiencing self-doubts (imposter syndrome), trying to avoid making mistakes (self-preservation) or a lack of respectful connection with people outside of the inner circle.

Whatever the reason, the echo chamber is a highly negative phenomenon for the CEO, the ExCom and the entire organization. The executive team will be uncoordinated and underperform, and the lack of alignment and psychological safety will cascade through the organization. People get nervous, political games flourish and nothing moves. Healthy discussions, risk taking and innovation is not likely to happen here.

The top boss’ echo chamber is part of a vicious circle, that is hopefully diagnosed and resolved before the ExCom rebels, or the board intervenes.

20 Enemies of listening, learning and changing.

At the core of such echo chambers, we often see top leaders who are unwilling or unable to effectively listen, reflect, learn and change. We call this phenomenon “Enemies of listening, learning and change”.

When we let ourselves be limited by these limiting inner enemies, we do not listen, do not want to reflect, will not learn and therefore, we will not be able to change our mind or our behaviours. It is a way of self-protection, avoid being wrong, and in fact the enemies come with the good intention to protect us and our ego from harm. Unfortunately, they often have an adverse effect.

These enemies come in many forms, but in general they can be categorized into 3 categories. The below list of 20 enemies is inspired by Alan Sieler’s great ontological work:

As mentioned in the introduction, these “inner enemies” can play out both in our leadership, private life and how we go about the changes we experience during midlife. I therefore sometimes request clients to use the enemies list to review themselves, and reflect on which of the “enemies” show up in their life. It is a good way to become more aware of recurring patterns, and I have experienced several “penny drop moments” that enabled significant changes.

The Enemies-Review can also be applied as a powerful team intervention, where the collective reflection and naming of counter-productive mindsets, can create a new awareness within the team. It can be a lighthearted moment, where you can laugh together about the “silly mind-traps” you step into again and again…

By becoming aware of inner enemies of listening and learning, we can avoid trapping yourself in your echo chamber, and then it becomes possible to focus your energy on what really matters as a leader: How to be an impactful Co-Creator, People-Empowerer and Systemic Change Catalyst.  

If you want to read more about the potential for a different leadership during midlife, then you can read more here in “Lead as a Gardener, no longer a mechanic”.

In case you were wondering: The story I told at the beginning of this essay is a combination of several real situations, where enemies of learning were at play.

Yours, Henrik

Midlife: 4 vital upgrades while in full operation.

(Part 5 of Navigating Men's Midlife)

When men reach their midlife and also start to experience the andropause’s physiological, neurological, emotional and spiritual changes, there is a need to develop new capabilities. The diffuse changes can be confusing and irritating, and it affects how we see ourselves and how we interact with other people. We have no past experience to draw upon, and also no playbook, so it is up to ourselves to create our path.

To be able to work constructively with midlife, we must expand;

Expand our capacity to feel the new feelings.

Expand our awareness of ourselves and our context.

Expand our ability to make distinctions, so that we can make sense.

Expand our (inner) language and conversation, so that that we can create new meaning.

None of these expansions will emerge miraculously when we hit any of the midlife birthdays. Rather it is an inner exploration and learning journey over several years. The process runs in waves, sometimes it is inspiring, and some days are just depressing. Men can have mood-swings too.

The midlife process is an integral part of our life, while we work hard, take care of our families and it is a process of “Upgrading while in full operation”. The world does not stop turning, just to make it easier for us to do our inner work without distractions.

Upgrade the ability to feel what we feel.

Midlife is full of new emotions, feelings and moods that can be confusing or even scary. But just because it is something we do not yet understand, it does not mean that we are wrong or on the wrong path. Instead of seeing these new emotions, feelings and moods as unconditionally true, rather we can choose to see them as signals we can work with.

• EMOTIONS: Occur subconsciously as a reaction to a momentary experience.

• FEELINGS: Are interpretations, a “filtered” mental response to what we experience.

• MOODS: Are a generalized aggregation of what we experience, feel and think over time.

Our mood is particularly interesting to look deeper into, as it is the inner context we have in our life at a given time, and it therefore informs the way we see ourselves, the world and how we interact. It is a little like the “weather of the soul”: Just imagine how you are when you are in a mood of irritation.

To better work with moods, it can be helpful to categorize them:

• A mood of opposition can make us close down, resist, resign and fear. It creates defensiveness and drain our resources in a destructive way.

• A mood of acceptance, however, open us up with curiosity, ownership, agency and ambition. It enables us to be more constructive and self-confident.

In an earlier essay, I shared the story of Kristof, the senior leader who had a self-narrative (or master assessment of himself) of being “Fifty, fat and finished”. In our work together, he described his mood as “disheartened grumpiness spiralling down”, which obviously is not a good mental state to be in.              

One surprising way he worked to change his mood, was to look at it (and himself) from a comical angle, seeing how bizarre his mood made him think and act. We developed an atmosphere of lightness in our conversations, and by exploring his emotions and mood from an entirely new perspective, he started to realize ways for him to shift his thinking and mood towards ownership, constructive action and ambition instead.

When working with your moods, it helps to describe the mood beyond the typical generalizations of “good” and “bad”. Be creative about it, create a short sentence that describes the mood, and try to make it as vivid as possible. Both if it is positive or negative.

Upgrade the ability to become aware.

Behind Kristof’s mood of “disheartened grumpiness spiralling down” was a self-narrative of being “Fifty, fat and finished”. In ontological coaching we call this a “master assessment”, because it is an assessment about ourselves that permeates our whole being. Kristof realized that his master assessment severely impacted his mood, but he found it difficult to fully give it up. He was indeed above 50, and had gained weight, so the evidences were there.

But then he started realizing two things: At early 50s, he still has 15-20 years runway before his retirement, which is plenty of time to create a new life. In fact, he had the same amount of time available, as when counting back to when he was 32-37… He started seeing that he can do a lot with this time.                   

He also realized that he was thinking in terms of “what is practicable”, based on bringing up his young children. But now, with 50 and with older kids, the need for practicability was no longer the same. His life lens changed towards “how to make impracticable things possible”, utilizing the new freedom he had not realized he had and shedding limiting expectations he had to himself. For him, it was a significant breakthrough.

Becoming differently aware of oneself and one’s context, and create possibilities instead of being caught in negativity, it helps to approach it with lightness, and observe oneself from a “balcony 10 meters above”. The literal outsider view makes it easier to see new perspectives and be creative.

Upgrade the ability to make distinctions.

Through the process, Kristof also learned to make new distinctions. He questioned the story he was telling himself, he noticed that some of the specific words he used were not helpful for him, he became aware of what is at stake for him and his family, and he started realizing what he was missing in his life and himself.                                                                                                                                                       

So-far, he had been doing all the inner work in his head, but when he started using a Moleskine to capture his reflections, it all of the sudden became much more tangible and easier to work with. The moleskine became his go-to resource, where he would revisit old notes, add to them and build his new identity. He even started writing short poems and create some drawings. He had upgraded his ability to make distinctions, and opened up a new way of creatively understanding himself and be constructive about his life.

Upgrade the inner language and conversation.

Another key element of navigating midlife, is to use our language more consciously – both when we speak with others, and ourselves. Yes, we all speak with ourselves, and the stuff we tell ourselves creates us and our reality. Becoming aware of our linguistic patterns and preferences is a powerful start to create ourselves and our context in a new way.

The mind is not silent.

If you do not hear anything, you aren’t paying enough attention.

Or you don’t like what is being told.

Try again.

When you listen carefully to your inner conversations, what do you hear? What is the story you tell yourself? Which specific words do you hear? Write them down in your moleskine, and reflect on how it all influences your emotions and moods. By doing this, you increase your awareness, create new distinctions and open the door for inner development.

When you listen to your inner voice, it is worthwhile to realize if you ask yourself questions, or if you make more statements to yourself. It is easy to misunderstand the statements we tell ourselves as an assertion of truth, where it is in fact often merely a (negative) assessment or judgement of ourselves (negatively). When we ask ourselves questions, however, we create the opportunity to discover new perspectives and solutions instead, and thereby harvest new material to constructively work with. Again, when approaching this inner work with lightness, you may be surprised about the new answers that emerge.

For many it is also helpful to work on their “emotional literacy” and create a new depth in their emotional distinctions. One way of doing this, is through a simple feel wheel as the one below. If you want to go even deeper, I can recommend the book The Field Guide to Emotions, which dives into a detailed description of 150 emotions.

The power of intention.

When doing the inner midlife work, what is your intention? If it is to reconfirm yourself and your narrative, that’s OK. If that is what serves you best, go ahead. But be aware, that by looking for reconfirmation only, you may well be wasting an unique opportunity for personal growth, new leadership impact and creating a legacy.

Maybe the midlife chaos is the last big transformational opportunity you get in life.

As always, please do not understand this essay and the recommendations as a blueprint, but rather as inspiration for what is possible in the midlife journey.

I hope you enjoyed the read.

Yours

Henrik

Annual Lift-off meetings: Rejuvenation instead of boredom.

Now is the season where many companies bring together 100s of people from the organisation, spend big money and fly off to the annual lift-off event with high hopes. But it is often an anticlimax, leaving attendees disillusioned and less engaged. Sure, there are nice moments and people do bond at the bar. But the positive effect and ROI is meagre. 

Seen from the stage, where many senior leaders have their “moment”, it can seem much more energetic and positive than it really is. When you mingle during the breaks and social evening events, attendees are not likely to tell you their true feelings about the kick-off event. Even if you ask, with the best of intentions, and a cocktail in your hand.

The Lift-off event is an unique opportunity to Make People Feel Bigger, Not Smaller.

The shift towards rejuvenation, co-creation and positive energy.

When we work with clients on their events, we approach it a bit differently than what they have been used to.

• Our focus is on the Senior Leadership Team as the host, who we support to create and deliver an inspiring event that creates energy for the year ahead. We then work with the Organization committee, to design the event in detail. There is a regular loop of alignment and discussion between the Leadership Team and the OC.

• There is an mindset and energetic shift from “Kick-off” to “Lift-off, as the event is really about ascending into the new business year, not to be kicked into it

• At the Lift-off event, we maximize the time spent on co-creating together and link this with an emotional commitment to each other, the joint mission and the organization. We radically minimize the time allocated to informing and explaining from the stage.

• During the Lift-off event, we work behind the scenes with the Leadership Team similar to “live-in-action-coaching”, and we use this moment to enable the LT to work together in the best possible way. We use it as a “sandbox” experience, that is integrated into the LT’s development journey outside the event.

As a rule of thumb, we recommend to allocate 50% of the Lift-off time to co-creation and emotional commitment work, which can for instance be in break-outs, town hall discussions and diving deep into best practices. We also increase the moments where non-LT members are on stage, which has been a great way to increase engagement.

Checklist for a rejuvenating Lift-off event.

The intention, preparation and alignment of the event is vital, and something that the senior leadership team must engage deeply and regularly with. Giving it the same attention as they gave their wedding. It cannot be fully delegated to an Organization Committee, as it then often becomes too transactional and focused on practical questions.

Questions to consider during the set-up phase

• What is the inspiring Purpose and Motto for the offsite?

• What is better after the offsite?

• What are the 3 questions you want the Lift-off event to create answers to?

• What is the mindset, energy, behaviour and emotions you wish attendees to bring back to the office?

Questions to consider during the design phase

• Is the agenda enabling participants to experience Peak moments that matter?

• Is the event designed to enable attendees to feel Well informed, Better aligned, Having co-created something valuable and A sense of belonging?

• Is the agenda enabling participants to engage with both their Heads, Hearts and Hands?

• If you plan a “team-building” activity, can it be a co-creative exercise and held at the start of the event? (So that you can benefit from the positive atmosphere throughout the offsite).

Questions to consider when aligning in the Senior Leadership Team

• What may be attendees’ main questions and emotions that could derail the event, and how will you deal with this?

• What do we need to work on as a Senior Leadership Team, to be fully aligned on the objectives, our roles during the event, and “How we want to show up as a LT”, in a way that inspires participants?

In addition, it is very helpful to create a design template for the people who present in specific sessions during the event, which is often forgotten. But if you don’t tell the presenters what you want to create during the event, and link this with their individual session, it will be confusing and disjointed. This guidance should include a clear alignment of the purpose of the session, what the desired outcome is and which actions could emerge out of the session. It is not a prescription, but rather a guiding framework, to make sure that the session is impactful.

Create peak moments that matter.

Attendees will positively remember the event in 2 ways. Firstly, the significance of a Peak moment. Secondly, the end of the event, which needs to be positive – it does not need to be a climax.

When looking for Peak moments that matter, it is tempting to think about what you as a senior leader and host would consider a peak moment. But that’s not going work for attendees, and you will have to step into their shoes and feel into (or even ask them…) what they are in need of. They are definitely not in need of 2 hours power-point torture on last year’s performance…

Instead, look to create Peak moments in one of these 4 categories:

• Sense of ELEVATION……….. Feeling joy, and positive surprise.

• Sense of PRIDE……………….. I feel at my best and I am valued here.

• Sense of LEARNING………….Eureka! That’s super interesting, and I can see my role on it.

• Sense of CONNECTION…….. I belong here with these guys.

In case you are familiar with Experience Design, you will probably have noticed that the above approach has some similarity. Indeed it has. The approach evolved after receiving feedback from 100s of Kick-off attendees over the years, where their frustration and boredom made the annual event a dreadful experience (apart from the Peak moments in the bar). So I hope that you can use the approach outlined here, to make your next Lift-off rejuvenating.

P.S.

The bronze bell in the photo has been a powerful requisite in many events. I always give it to the speaker when they enter the stage, and ask them to use it at their will. When they read the text, they smile – and remember why they are actually on the stage….

Unfortunately the bell, with its massive weight and deep tone, got lost earlier this year in Chiang Mai. I hope the new owner uses it with the same intention as it was made.

Yours,

Henrik

The not so surprising dip in midlife men's self-confidence.

(Part 4 of Navigating Men's Midlife)

He came onboard as the new regional  SVP with the objective to fundamentally transform the business and organization. With an impressive resume, proven results; It seemed logical to step into this expanded role, and make a dream come true. The stars had aligned, helped by his deep business acumen and hard work. The family was also doing great, no need to worry. With 43 he was on a great trajectory.

But then, out of nowhere, self-doubt creeps in.

“Can I really do this?

It may be too big a mouthful for me.”

He started doubting himself and his abilities, feeling his self-confidence crumble in a new way.

Adrian got hit by a phenomenon; The dip in an early mid-lifer’s level of self-confidence. And the timing could not have been worse.

But when you consider the timing of this confidence dip, it is actually less surprising than it first seems.

Early midlife is the time where the body starts to ache, we have less raw power than before and restitution takes longer. We feel physically weaker. New existential questions come up, to which we have not yet answers. It is a spiritual challenge. The mood swings, emotions want to be heard, the emotional balance is off. And, the elevated position and high expectations in the new company can even generate a sense of loneliness. That’s a lot to deal with.

So, how can you not start doubting and believing less in yourself?

OVERCOMING THE MIDLIFE SELF-CONFIDENCE DIP.

Now is not the time to start to panic and overreact. With a big responsibility in a new job, and with a family that has moved to a different country, Adrian must keep his cool. Do some inner work, while in full operation. Because in midlife, it is normal to experience new emotions, mood swings and irritation, and not knowing how to deal with it. It can be baffling, and difficult to verbalize what’s going on.

It can help to reframe the emotions as signals, observe them and start connecting it to what happens in your body and in your context (the reality). Check in with yourself, become aware what’s churning inside of you, and how you are emotionally affected by the things happening around you. As difficult as it may be with a full schedule, make sure that you get enough rest, downtime, positive experiences and healthy food. Remember, you will not be very effective, if you are not taking care of yourself.

In Adrian’s situation it can be tempting to think that “building resilience” will help. But in my view, this is not what Adrian’s situation is about. He has probably been resilient 1000s of times in his life already, so he knows how to be resilient. Instead, he can focus on intentionally build confidence, optimism and hope. To build forward directed capacities that can generate energy, imagination and agency.

11 distinctions of “Self-confidence”.

When you start feeling your belief in yourself evaporates, your voice getting thinner and you think in terms of self-protection only, then it’s about time to have a serious look at your self-confidence. But let’s do so with a mindset-of imagination, expanding the concept of “self-confidence” with more distinctions and nuances.

The many forms of Self-confidence.

• Self-confidence can be our mental stance towards the future, a bridge into the future or the inner belief that you can do or achieve something specific.

• It can also be a volatile fuel that requires regular top up. It is scientifically confirmed that it is an antidepressant, with positive effects on immune system and neuro pathways. It makes us think and feel better.

Origins of Self-confidence.

• Self-confidence can be externally motivated, as a gauge (or sociometer) of what we think other people think of us. It can also be the internal trust that we have in our own abilities. Most people are a mix of both.

• It can grow out of action, and action can grow out of self-confidence.

• It is both earned and learned, and deeply connected with your sense of self-acceptance, self-awareness, self-worth and self-respect.

• It can grow through your sense of mastery, achievement and application of your strengths.

• It can be fostered through a positive inner language, by reframing anxiety into excitement and by accepting own imperfections.

• It can be fostered out of a sense of autonomy, knowing that we have choices and that we are not at other’s will.

Upsides of Self-confidence

• Self-confidence is intimately interconnected with our sense of optimism, hope, imagination and courage, and can create an upwards positive spiral. This is what can make personal development work with Growth Mindset and Psychological Capital interventions so effectful.

• It enables inner mobilization of resources, ownership and agency, which enables action, which enables even more inner mobilization. Again, a positive upward spiral.

• It is contagious, a way to influence others or to be influenced by others.

Downsides of Self-confidence

• It can be a distorting lens, where an over-estimation of self can lead to hubris.

 
When we see more distinctions and nuances in “Self-confidence”, we create more options to chose from. As we become more aware of these choices, we can rebuild our sense of ownership and agency, and are less in a mindset of victimhood.

In my inner world, Self-confidence is the wind. Being the captain of my boat, I can choose to turn my sails into the wind - or not.

As always, please do not understand this essay as a blueprint, but rather as inspiration for what is possible in the midlife journey. I hope you enjoyed the read.

Yours,

Henrik

The big midlife leadership shift: Lead as a gardener, no longer as a mechanic.

(Part 3 of Navigating Men's Midlife)

Men’s midlife and the andropause coincides with the career phase where they as leaders carry most responsibility for organizations, people and businesses. What superficially could be seen as an overwhelming amount of change at the same time, can in fact be a unique opportunity to bring about fundamental shifts in leadership consciousness, presence, behaviours and impact. Midlife is perhaps be the most inspiring “senior leadership development program”, and it’s free of charge.

In this third essay on the transformational opportunities for mid-lifers, I focus on a potential shift that is available for the mid-lifer’s leadership practice and identity: To lead as a gardener, instead of as a mechanic. This shift can have a dramatic positive effect on how employees and stakeholders experience you as a leader.

You, as a midlife leader, are part of a bigger ecosystem. People around you sense you, and react or respond to you, your vibe and your actions. Therefore, it is important to not only look at your own inner situation and work, but also to intentionally work on how others can experience you differently. After all, leadership is really about human and systemic impact.

With this systemic lens on midlife, I hope to enrich the discussion and provide additional inspiration for the personal inner work as a person and leader.

The shift from lead as a mechanic to lead as a gardener.

When we during midlife revisit our identity and how we live our lives, we dive into new existential questions and new realizations. We become aware that we, our life and our interactions are organic by nature. Personally, I felt a call to become more “organic” in my ways of being and doing – pretty much like a gardener. That’s why I worked to transform myself and the work I do. In my mid 40s it became more important for me to empower people and teams to bloom, and to positively influence the growth of the entire ecosystem.

Earlier in the career, younger leaders often tend to adopt leadership as a mechanical exercise; “We drive the transformation, get the right people on the bus, accelerate the business and fix things”. It manifests in our identity, thinking, language and behaviours. Deep diving into KPIs with Excel, and wanting to engineer the organization through Powerpoint. Sure, it works to a certain degree, but I have yet to meet an employee who say that it inspiring to be seen as someone who needs fixing or get onboard a bus.

As a great side-effect of the inner personal transformation work, we evolve our being and ways to connect, interact and move people with more intention and openness. We look both inwards and outwards, assess our own values, beliefs and patterns, and we assess if these serve ourselves and others. When the leader’s identity and repertoire expand, I have witnessed many positive effects. Here are 4 examples that I found impactful:

1.     People are moved by the leader’s presence of calm determination.

2.     People and business alike benefit from the leader’s ability to create and co-create creatively – with a both/and mindset across domains, complexity and paradoxes.

3.     People and teams benefit from the leader’s ability to empower and “make people bigger, not smaller”.

4.     Teams and ecosystems benefit from the leader as a catalyst who brings about shifts in context, energy and direction.

In essence, the midlife leader becomes an organic positive influence for people, teams, ecosystems, stakeholders, business and outcomes, and thereby make things possible that were in the past much more difficult to achieve. The mid-lifer’s growth as a person creates an impactful presence of gravitas and lightness, and makes it easier to create, empower and being a catalyst.

9 “Leader as a Gardener” abilities that energize people and systems.

Looking deeper into how people may feel the midlife leader is becoming different as a leader, I want to call out 9 “gardening leadership abilities” that can be observed and felt by others, although they are often subtle. (See the outer circle in the illustration).

These are not technical and commanding skills, but rather it is the caring approach of a gardener who grows a garden. The gardening presence and abilities emerge out of a leader’s evolved organic awareness and mindset. In my client work it sometimes occurs that the leader unconsciously has changed their way of leading, and they are surprised to realize these shifts in retrospect. Other clients, however, are still stuck in their midlife frustration and irritation that they do not work as they used to. Some decide to consciously explore the “leading as a gardener” opportunities through reflection and experimentation. They let the borders between their identity as a person and as a leader slowly disappear, and become more authentic and “whole”.

            Coming back to the systemic aspect of change in midlife I referred to at the beginning, the mid-lifer’s path of evolution starts to enable an organic and symbiotic oneness with the world around. The midlife leader can address culture, context and paradoxes as a “system worker”, instead of only a high performing individual. It becomes easier to co-create, and make things happen that cannot be achieved alone. We can play the game in a different way.

This is one of the big gifts of midlife.

As always, please do not understand this essay as a blueprint, but rather as inspiration for what is possible in the midlife journey.

If you want to go deeper into the leadership possibilities in midlife self-work, I recommend 2 books that I find inspiring as a late mid-lifer and in my executive coaching practice.

In Soaring Beyond Midlife: The Surprisingly Natural Emergence of Leadership Superpowers in Life’s Second Half, Aneace Haddad, dives deep into the potential superpower of midlife leaders, and how to bring them about.

In Turn The Ship Around, Captain David Marquet introduces the concept of Intent based leadership, which I find valuable both as an inspiration for mid-lifers’ new leadership mindset, and for executive to reconsider their need for certainty and control.

Yours,

Henrik

What happens around the campfire? Shifts.

One of the best perks of top team retreats in South East Asia, is the opportunity to be close to the beach and the wide ocean. Away from the office and the bustling metropoles, leaders have an opportunity to create distance to their crazy normality at work and shed their labels. A space to be more human and who they are.

My favorite moment in such retreats is when the team comes together around the campfire, or at least a fire basket. Wearing flipflops, having some drinks and let things happen. There is no agenda. An agenda would be like throwing a bucket of water onto the fire... But the moment is also not unintentional.

When people stare into the fire, calmness and softness emerges. The face relaxes, body decelerates, thoughts wander and reflection happens. There is access to a different level within oneself, and potentially also with team mates.

And at some point, someone starts to talk.

It can be a lingering question, that has not yet been dared to be asked.
Or a reflection on the team’s situation, that was so far unspoken.
Or a personal sharing, which touches team mates around the fire.

This is one of the moments where a significant shift can happen. A shift that recreates the team and its way of working together.

Often what emerges at the campfire is something that was so far perceived to be “off limits”.
By bringing it out, the team opens a new quality in their togetherness. It can radically shift the connections within the team, create crystal clarity on challenges, it can lead to fundamental shift of strategies and be a source for courage.

Some top teams are very conscious about the power of campfire conversations, and I have worked with several teams that intentionally defer certain discussions and thoughts to the campfire conversation in the evening.

Some teams need a little support in setting it up. As a facilitator, I never ask people to be “vulnerable”, and I also do not explain what is supposed to happen around the campfire. Now and then participants ask for guidance and “what should we talk about?”, but I leave them to fill the space.

My work at the campfire is neither coaching, nor facilitation. It is more of a “presence”, with a very light touch.
I sit in the circle, maybe a notch further away from the fire than others. I am mostly silent, while I listen deeply, sense signals and the unspoken. My presence and connection with the team helps create a space where leaders can be humans, so that things happen for them and the team. Alas, the diffuse work on team campfires actually starts much earlier, when I first meet the team, and it percolates in the moments we have together thereafter.

When it comes to the campfire itself, my work is threefold: Figure out when the time is right, make sure the location can accommodate a campfire and make sure there are comfortable chairs and enough drinks. Nothing more.

I highly recommend to “play with fire” and introduce such campfire moments in your next team retreat.

Yours

Henrik

6 Perspectives on “Fifty, Fat and Finished”.

(Part 2 of Navigating Men's Midlife)

“I don’t like who I have become”.

“I am running out of time’.

“I already finished my personal growth work, so I should not feel like this”.

Having recently passed the big 50, Kristof was stuck in a negative self-narrative of being “Fifty, fat and finished”. It surprised him, as he thought that with 50, a man is complete.

In his 40s, he was crazy busy with family, kids and a high pressure successful career. On the way, he did not take good care of himself, he lost himself, the respect for himself and his “mojo”. Being disheartened by feeling like an inadequate shadow of himself, he could not find answers to the big questions on his mind. Midlife panic kicked in when he started realize that he was not only stuck, but in a downward spiral.

With still at least 15 years to go until retirement, his thoughts were on overdrive in two paradoxical directions. “What can I do, so that I feel better now? …but I am running out of time until retirement!” Like many successful people, he is biased towards action and problem solving. It is so tempting to always be practical and do (something), but the situation calls for something different.

Slow down, take a step back, do the inner work.

In midlife, the soul calls for reflection, inward focus and understanding of what is going on. Meaningless action for the sake of action will at best only provide temporary relief. At worst it is an action that later is regretted. It can be tricky to navigate this situation.

In the following you will see 6 perspectives that helped Kristof, the 50-Fat-Finished-Midlifer, create a new path through his midlife.

Perspective 1 - At 50, you have as much time to 65 as you had between 50 and 35.     

Think back on what has happened in the last 15 years of your life, the many identities who you have been, what you have made happen. It is probably a lot. Now you have another 15 years to work with until you hit 65 – imagine what you can be and do in such a long span of time, explore “possibilities” and “opportunities”, instead of focus on restrictions. Maybe you will have more space, and less practicalities to take care of in the next stage of life…and maybe the horizon is really an age of 75, not 65

So, are you really running out of time?       

Perspective 2 – Is your crisis the reality, or is it a “crisis of perception”?.

Try to isolate your emotions and questions, see them as symptoms and signals instead of the problem. Look for the essence behind the emotions and questions. Perhaps you try to fulfil expectations from your self or others, that are actually restricting you. Or maybe carry labels of who you are, that can be disgarded or reformulated.

A question you can consider is: What are the expectations to myself that need an update?

Perspective 3 - Would you want your eulogy to be about you, or your achievements?      

I guess there is no right or wrong answer to this question. But the question itself opens the opportunity to be conscious about the next phase of life, who you want to become and your legacy. Likely, you do not even have to make a choice for the eulogy, as being and doing can go hand in hand.

Maybe it’s helpful to also consider: Are you your results?

Perspective 4 - Who you are influences what you do, which influences the results you create.

An existential crisis (also in midlife), is a crisis of identity rather than a crisis of action. The primary work you are now called to do is about your identity and your inner context. It is about how you see yourself, what you believe you can become and maybe expansion. When you expand your identity, your actions will change, and you create different results. While action-focus may have been a great strategy so far, midlife presents one of the last chances we get to intentionally expand and reinvent ourselves, with 2-3 decades of runway to live it.

What is it within you that was so far impracticable, that you want to give more space in the next decades?

Perspective 5 – What are the choices you so far did not dare to take?

If your marriage is hell, it is your choice what you will do about it. If you are stuck in your job, it is also your choice what you will do about it. By now, we had 30 to 40 years to fill our lives with structures, relationships and requirements, some of which may have turned counter productive. With only a few decades left to live, midlife is one of the last chances to address it. One way or the other.

Question: What will be the price you have to pay, if you do nothing?

Doing the inner MIDLIFE work.

When I turned 50, the world was on stand-by. In Singapore everything was locked down, and the “circuit breaker” regime made it illegal to celebrate with other people. I was actually OK with it, as it gave me a great opportunity to feel bad about myself. I was a victim, at the effect of circumstances. I did not take ownership. When I today work with mid-lifers, one of the most important shifts that (can) happen, is when the person accepts the situation, and the ownership for the midlife process.

Perspective 6 – What may shift in you, when you start experimenting as a creator, instead of being in the passenger seat?

The inner work in midlife can be creative and boundary crossing. It is can be preparation for future decisions and actions, and experimentation with new roles, views and choices. We can create new possibilities, we did not even realise could exist. But of-course, this mental and spiritual work cannot perfectly design ourselves and the world the way we want it to be. Humility and self-irony can be helpful, because sometimes the universe conspires against us, and sometimes it conspires to help us. That’s just what life does…

 Question: What is it that you need to accept, so that you can shift from a victim to a creator role?

There are countless other perspectives that can help midlife navigation, and I invite you to figure out which perspectives can help you in your midlife navigation. The above six perspectives helped Kristof, but it should definitely not be understood as a copy-paste recipe for everyone.

If you want to go deeper into your midlife self-work, I recommend 2 books that I find inspiring as a late mid-lifer and in my coaching practice.

Start With Who by Marcus Marsden, provides a look behind the curtain of Ontological Coaching, and open questions and perspectives that are powerful for mid-lifers.

The Eagle That Drank Hummingbird Nectar by Aneace Haddad, is an easy-to-read fable about a leaders personal and spiritual transformation, garnered with deep insights into midlife.

Yours,

Henrik

Navigating a man's midlife & andropause. (Part 1)

Some want fame, buy a Porsche, and get a young partner.

Some become wiser, reinvent themselves and build their legacy.

Some do it all, but some struggle.

We all have to create our own path through midlife.

The midlife of a man, roughly the period of life between 40 to 55 years, is a tender phase of change and transition. The infamous midlife crisis is something we joke about, but it also scares us. But do not panic, because midlife can also be a positive experience of significant transformation and creation. As a man, spouse, father, friend and leader.

Maybe you cannot yet describe exactly what it is changing, but something is different. Diffuse, confusing and irritating. Maybe you are a high performer at work, and a sad grumpy man at home. Or you do excessive sport to fit into your tight jeans. Expectations are high, from others and ourself. Your mojo and balance is not what it used to be. It can be overwhelming, become a crisis and make us panic. The stakes are high, as this is one of the last big opportunities in life to grow.

Something happens to us men, when we realise that we do not (yet) have the understanding and methods to deal with the changes we feel.

When we truly realise that life is finite.

When we realise that we cannot turn back time, redo or undo the things we have done in our life.

It is one of the last chances we have to reinvent ourselves.

Understanding midlife and the andropause.

Being a late mid-lifer myself, I have my own midlife experiences. I have felt overwhelmed, sad, lost, tried a lot, and reinvented myself through a process over 16 years. Some of it was conscious, much was coincidence, I admit. I did not have a playbook to follow. Now, at 54, I am still work in progress, but more conscious and intentional, with less muscle mass, and hopefully a bit wiser.

By being an executive coach, I work with midlife executives and their teams, and I feel privileged to be allowed to dive into their situations, struggles and strategies. It has shown me that men’s midlife is not well understood by many mid-lifers, neither in terms of the challenges, nor the unique possibilities in this stage of life. It can be difficult to understand what goes on and we often lack the words to verbalize the experience. The emerging existential questions can be overwhelming. For some it is a struggle, but I also see beautiful examples of men blooming anew, becoming wiser and using their life experience with great positive impact on people around them.

My midlife likely started when I was 38. I pieced this together retrospectively, by reviewing my old journals, and by checking the level of testosterone in my old blood test reports. But only at 44 did I fully realized the significance of what was happening. I had entered a new life phase without noticing it. The small incremental changes (body aches, new questions on my mind and soul searching etc..) did not catch my attention for a long time, and I could not verbalize what was going on. I often observe the same situation with clients.

With this and subsequent essays, it I intend to empower mid-lifers to better understand and navigate their transition. This essay is an introduction, to be followed by exploration of specific areas of midlife. I share observations, insights, strategies and tips, as practical pointers you can explore further. It is obviously not a substitution to medical advice.

I also wish to contribute to normalize the midlife experience and break the taboo around the andropause; The male version of the menopause is about more than your libido.

An overview: What really happens during midlife and the andropause?

If adolescents wear a t-shirt imprinted “Out of Order”, mid-lifers should probably wear a t-shirt reading “Updating While in Full Operation”. During midlife, men have to fully function and high perform, while experiencing big changes in body, mind, soul, identity, capacity to perform, relationships, roles, worldviews, priorities, and parenting.

When the andropause kicks in and the level of testosterone production dwindles, it affects our being and wellbeing: The body, the mind, the soul and the heart. A fourfold transformation that is physical, neurological, spiritual and emotional. It fundamentally affects how we see ourselves and interact with the world. Our inner context is different and calls for introspection and soul work.  

The lower level of testosterone production is a good place to start. My clients are often surprised about the complexity and depth of the changes and the effects.

As I am not an endocrinologist, I will spare you inadequate medical explanations, and rather provide an easy overview of effects and potential strategies in the below tables.

Happiness, Life satisfaction and “Mojo”.

The diffuse experience, confusion and existential questions can severely affect a mid-lifers “mojo”. In fact, this is often a topic that emerges in my coaching sessions: “I feel I have lost my mojo, what should I do?”. While the client urgently wants to develop answer, it can be more helpful to first become more aware of the changes and their impact. Hence the above tables may be helpful in your process to become more aware and put words to what you experience. In the next step is it helpful to explore ways to accept the changes, and work with nature, instead of against it. If you experience a loss of “mojo”, it may also be helpful for you to understand, that you are quite normal and not alone in this. In midlife, people experience a drop or stagnation of life satisfaction and happiness, which starts to increase again at the end of midlife.

The UNIQUE midlife opportunities.

The stakes in midlife are high, and so are the potential rewards. Men can transform and reinvent themselves in all domains of life. Bloom anew, create a legacy and become a positive empowerer of their surroundings. For a start, the below table lists some of the opportunities and benefits that are up for grabs. Later essays will expand on these opportunities.

The connection with leadership.

Midlife coincides with the career phase where leaders carry most responsibility for organizations, people and businesses. The existential work you are called to do in this period can have immense positive effects on your leadership consciousness, presence and impact. Many shifts can happen that will make your more inspiring. But more on that later.

I hope that you find meaningful information and perspectives in this first essay. Use it for reflection and starter for conversations. It would be great if you can contribute to increasing the understanding of the andropause and male midlife.

Stay tuned, more to follow on The spiritual growth opportunity, The emotional challenge and The leadership transformation.

Yours, Henrik

The Lift.

This is a short story about how a talented woman found new confidence to continue, instead of giving up. Vicky is a real person with a different name, while the story takes some liberties.

She cries.

Tears roll over her cheeks while she looks out at the Makati skyline. The city-lights appear as smeared shining stars. She feels alone, scared and contemplates to give up. “Why did I accept this so-called stretch assignment, when I already knew that Manila is so different from Singapore? I should have known better, and now I’m a mess. My career is over before it even got started”. Vicky feels small and hopeless.

Wednesday 8:45AM.

She wakes up in the bay window, leaned against the cold glass. Somehow she fell asleep, exhausted and not hearing her alarm. Being late, she quickly showers, gets dressed, grabs her heavy business backpack, leaving the room with no energy. She enters the lift, softly pushing the lobby button.

But instead of going down, the lift moves backwards…

After a felt eternity, the lift stops with a crisp ding.

The elegant silvery madam.

„Is your backpack heavy, my dear?“ the elegant woman asks. Vicky gives her an exhausted nod. “It is”, she says with a low voice, while looking down. „It’s ok, my dear, we all have tough periods in our life where we carry a heavy burden and feel small.“ Vicky looks up, wondering how the lady knows that she feels small. Before she can ask, the lift arrives with another crisp ding, and the elegant madam steps out with an even more elegant nod.

The blind man with a labrador in a hurry.

Just as the door closes, a yellow labrador dog squeezes through, dragging a blind man into the lift. He almost stumbles. “Are we in a hurry today. Scarlett?”. If a dog can laugh, it certainly looks like Scarlett is laughing. The man stands absolutely motionless, with his feet planted safely onto the floor, while Vicky is not sure if he is aware that they share the lift. She hears her inner voice for the 10th time this morning: “Vicky, you don’t have the guts to pull this through. Give up before you make an even bigger fool of yourself”.

“Excuse me. What did you just say?” the blind man asks. Vicky looks in disbelief to the blind man, then to the dog. “Did he ask me or the dog?”. “I asked you, miss.  I heard you saying that you don’t have the guts and that you should give up”, the blind man says in a gentle voice. “If you give up now, miss, who would you be?”. Vicky is perplexed.

Ding, once again.

She can only watch as Scarlett drags the blind man out of the lift. Definitely Scarlett smiles, again in a hurry.

While the doors silently close, Vicky cannot help to ponder the question. “Who would I be if I give up?” Her head-cinema switches on and a movie appears. She sees herself walking towards an aircraft with a heavy backpack full of broken dreams, starting an indefinite garden leave. “No, that’s not me!”, she bursts out, feeling a boost of defiant energy for the first time since long.

The cleaning lady with big dreams.

Ding. In steps a young cleaning lady with a fully loaded laundry cart.

“Good morning, madam” she says, with a voice full of lightness and joy. “Who do you believe you can become?” she asks. “What the F***”, Vicky says. “How come everyone ask me questions today? What’s going on here?”. “Sorry madam, I was just talking with myself. I handed in my application for my law studies last night, and I just can’t stop thinking about what I can become”. The cleaning lady beams at her, her hopeful soul filling the lift.

Ding, the lift arrives and the young woman that believes she can become a lawyer leaves, seemingly not touching the ground while she pushes the heavy cart out.

“What a great question that was”, Vicky mumbles. “Who do I actually believe I can become?” Once again the head-cinema switches on. She sees herself walking towards an aircraft. But this time the backpack is light, her stride is firm and she realizes that the woman about to enter the aircraft is full of confidence. It is a hopeful and optimistic young female leader about to fly to the regional headquarters in Singapore, to present her business plan for the Philippines.

The swirling ballerina in the know.

Ding, once again. The doors slide open, and the lobby appears.

Vicky is confused, not sure what to do now. Walk into the lobby, or wait until more people come in and ask her questions? Her light trance is interrupted by a ballerina swirling into the lift “Miss, are you ready? The world is waiting for you”, she says. “I need a ride with this lift, so that I can be my very best at the premiere tonight”, she says with a knowing twink. Vicky laughs – one of those laughs that come from a liberated soul.

“Yes, I am ready”. Vicky steps into the lobby, carrying her heavy backpack with resolute steps towards the taxi stand.

Self-censorship makes you shrink.

When we self-censor (exercise control over what one says and does, especially to avoid criticism), it is potentially a sign that we lack psychological safety. We perceive it to be unsafe to dissent, a potential career killer. In particular in uncertain times, we are likely to say only what we think meets the expectation of others – maybe to obtain or retain our boss’ goodwill. This articles is about how we can reduce the amount of self-censorship we exercise in the workplace, but it is not a call for senseless verbal diarrhoea.

Some years ago we researched that leaders influence up-to 58% of their employees’ sense of psychological safety, while 33% is influenced by peers. (How Leaders Influence Their People, 2021). With this, it seems clear that the leader is the culprit when the environment is unsafe, and when people chose to self-censor and keep their head down.

But, there is another perspective to this, which seriously damages organisations.

Self-censoring in middle management.

The phenomenon of self-censorship is not only seen in employees, as also super important mid level managers are cautious to the extreme about their words. Some are acutely aware of “saying the right thing” and fit in at any cost. They self-censor out of strategic considerations, motivated by career planning and having less “trouble”.

Their strategy follows two steps: Firstly, contribute in meetings with “safe” statements, with no potential for neither controversy, nor real impact. Secondly, they try to influence in 1:1 conversations after the meeting, as this is safer. Et voila, here comes another political player that organizations already have enough of. Good luck with the transformation, which will be watered down from its original intention in order to preserve a stagnating equilibrium.

How to stop self-censoring.

We self-censor to fit in and to avoid trouble, often being manipulated by our own negative self-belief. If you suspect that you sometimes self-censor, reflect on these points:

• Identify a moment where you held back on your view, where you wanted to speak, but didn’t.

• What was your reason for staying silent?

• What was the worst thing that could have happened? How likely is it to happen?

• What could have been the potential upside of speaking up?

• What wisdom, perspectives and importance did you keep from your “audience”? What is the potential negative impact of that?

• Next time you have an opportunity to speak, how will you make sure that you don’t self-censor again?

Regrettably, self-censorship and silence has its merits in terms of career building. But that doesn’t make it right, and it is highly problematic for an organization. It robs a vital opportunity to hear the managers true and important views, and it creates an environment of suspicion and distrust. The systemic side effects are immense, as it shows the rest of the organization that it is better to “stay in line”. It leads to poorer collaboration, stalled innovation, diminished performance, and eventually it makes people unhappy.

it‘s your choice: be your best OR BE SMALL.

I cannot recall who said something along the lines of “As a true leader, be prepared to lose your job”, and for some this may create anxiety and disbelief. But see it from a different perspective: Apart from the salary, what is a career worth if it is founded on keeping your mouth shut and try to fit in?

Through my development work I have the privilege to meet truly impactful leaders. They are not super-humans, but people with flaws like you and me. I observe three traits that are central to their ability to create positive impact:

• They are intentional about their actions, and design their approaches to create positive impact with and on people, for the sake of the business. They do not self-censor. Instead they make sure that their views are heard and take ownership, while they fully support the taken decisions as it would be their own.

• They are empathic, both “downwards” and “upwards” in the organization. They are curious and conscious about what other people say, feel and want, and strive to create common ground with.

• They are courageous enough to take risk, dissent and push things further. But they are not foolish to take themselves too seriously. They are not contrarian, but rather they do not allow themselves and others to accept mediocrity and silly processes.

These (non-self-censored) leaders get things done. They are present, connected and entrepreneurial. They are not silent, not always easy to work with. Because they have opinions and facts that requires everyone to think and work harder to create better decisions.

As a professional, irrespective whether you are an employee, manager or leader, you can make your own choices. Even if Psychological Safety is questionable. Here are some of the choices you have:

• Will I create impact?

• Will I be my best self?

• Will I leave?

• Or will I try to shrink into what I think people want me to be.

Yours,

Henrik

How to intentionally build team momentum.

They were a motley crew, and they stood no chance. 

At least that was what many people thought, including many within the team. They had only a limited arsenal of services to offer their customers, and had many legacy problems to deal with. It would have been understandable if they would have surrendered even before they got started. But they didn’t.

Instead, they got on with their work. They cleaned up their shop, developed new internal tools and created new services for their customers. Eventually they turned their business around.

But most of all, they turned the culture of their company around. They intentionally created team momentum that was based on Hope, Confidence and Optimism. These three underestimated “soft” resources are at the core of all successful transformations and scale-ups, as they can create an astonishing fighting spirit and team performance. 

Team momentum = Hope x Confidence x Optimism.

You have probably figured out that this is not the story of Braveheart. It is the story of a logistics company, and about how teams can build hope, confidence and optimism, and how this creates momentum. It is also a homage to those people and teams, who take on big challenges with brave hearts; The end result may not always be what you want, but that’s how life sometimes goes.

You can feel when a team has momentum, both as a member, and as an observer. The “buzz” you feel is the team’s hope, confidence and optimism. 

HOPE: IT CAN HAPPEN.

Without hope, nothing happens. People will not take action if they do not have hope that “it can happen”. Having hope is the most fundamental prerequisite to master a challenge or reach a goal. Teams need hope, as the people in the team need the air they breathe.

Team leaders play a big role in building hope, as they enable the team to see the pathways towards the goal, and enable the team to move intentionally towards the goal. In short: Leaders are paid to show the way, coordinate the actions and inspire.

In reality many teams underperform due to their unspoken doubts. When we work with leaders on the subject of “doubt”, they easily get defensive and cannot comprehend why the team is doubting their strategy. But the doubt is not necessarily related to the strategy. In fact, we mostly experience that the doubt is about the team’s capabilities, the commitment of colleagues or feeling overwhelmed by the pace and VUCA of the business. 

Here are a few ways to build team hope:

1. What is the (SMART) goal?

2. Plan the path towards the goal.

3. Which obstacles may occur? (Potential source of doubt).

4. How will you overcome these?

5. Which resources will you need to do that?

CONFIDENCE: WE CAN DO IT.

The famous “can do spirit” is having confidence in one’s own abilities to make things happen. It is the fuel that teams need in order to take action, and it is a constructive view on the future.

Mostly, we view confidence as an individual resource, and overlook that collective confidence is what propels teams ahead. Just like individual confidence, collective confidence can be built and nurtured. That’s what great leaders do, when they enable their people to take on seemingly impossible tasks. 

The team leader is by far the biggest influence factor of a team’s confidence level, but unfortunately employees rate their leader’s capability to build confidence to be below average. Elanor Roosevelt said that “a great leader makes people believe in themselves”, which is pretty much what leadership is about.  

Here are a few ways to build team confidence:

1. Why is the goal important to team members? (Motivation)

2. Which resources can the team utilize? (Education, role models, past success etc..)

3. How will the team build the additional resources that may be needed?

4. Adopt a “presilience” mindset, and plan ahead for potential obstacles and setbacks.

5. Have unconditional positive regard for the team members and their strengths, irrespective of the performance. Encourage, appreciate, support and challenge team members. Again and again.

OPTIMISM: IT WILL HAPPEN.

“Optimism is naïve”, some people say. But when they learn how to build Strategic Optimism, they realize that optimism can be a powerful resource they can develop and utilize. Both individually, and as a team. 

Negative expectations and limiting self-beliefs are present in all of us at some level, and they make us create a pessimistic inner narrative. We can hear the demons telling us that we are not good enough. Teams can succumb to the sum of their individual pessimism, and even multiply it. That’s when teams go into a downward spiral and perish. 

Leaders have the opportunity to address these inner voices, and to nurture an optimistic narrative that empowers the team to see how they will make things happen. They can foster the conviction that “it will happen”. They can work with both the team system, and with the team members individually. This is not “Chaka, we can do it”, but rather a structured and intentional approach.

Here are a few ways to build team optimism:

1. Identify the worries and the negative beliefs behind. Help the team to dissolve their doubts.

2. Be flexible, yet inspiring, in the goal formulation. Don’t create moon-shot goals, go step-by-step instead.

3. Be realistic in the assessment of the available team resources, capabilities and potential obstacles, and align the goal formulation accordingly.

4. Co-create the path towards the goal.

5. Develop commitment to the goal, and be prepared to continuously work on a common positive narrative. This constant and consistent communication should focus on the path towards the goal, not the goal itself.

Have you ever seen a team with real momentum that did not have collective confidence, optimism and hope? 

Building TEAM MOMENTUM CAN BE LOUD.

Teams with momentum have found their equilibrium of harmony and tension. But if they tilt too much to either side, they lose the momentum. Teams can turn into a over-harmonious Cozy Club, or become a bloody Fight Club. The team needs to find their own balance of supporting and challenging one another, and this only happens when the team can jointly explore, debate and co-create. Mostly, this is loud, and it is a herculean task for the leaders.

To build team momentum, a team needs to be intentional about how they work together, and how they build hope, confidence and optimism. The 7 Bases Team Framework we have developed, is one way to facilitate this. If you are interested, we are happy to tell you more about it.

For those teams who are, or have been, fighting to make “impossible” goals come true, remember this: Whether you win or lose, you learn. 

Yours,

Henrik

The 7 Bases team framework.

+++ Read more about the Sirius Patrol in Greenland at the end of the article +++

Today we introduce the 7 Bases Team Framework.

The framework connects 7 elements of thriving and high performing teams, in a flexible and meaningful way. It is a structure that creates space for the emotions a team experiences, and it fosters the debate that teams must have. The team can dynamically toggle between different topics and questions when it is needed. Not when it is prescribed in a rigid “script”.

INTRODUCING THE 7 BASES FRAMEWORK.

To make team development more dynamic, we suggest to see this challenge as a “field” where the 7 interlinked bases each represent a vital theme that teams must cover. Only then is it possible to fully thrive and high perform. If a base is not covered, the team feels that “something is missing”, and team collaboration and performance stay below its full potential. In this version of the framework, we have included some of the vital questions that teams need to work on in each base.

The 7 Bases Framework emerged from the work we do with executive and functional teams in pharma, logistics, banking, technology and with SMEs. These teams each had different needs, aspirations and challenges. Over time, the 7 bases emerged as consistent themes.

The framework is inspired by Luthans’ work on Psychological Capital, Edmunson on Psychological Safety, Robertson on Confidence, Lencioni on team dysfunction and ORSC’s coaching approaches for team systems. It’s all glued together by unconditional respect for people, and the framework is designed to both support and challenge teams.

THE USAGE

We use the 7 Bases Framework in three ways as:

1. A coaching framework.

2. An assessment.

3. A leader and talent development journey framework.

THE 7 BASES

The entry can be made in any of the 7 bases, depending on what the team feels is needed, or what has been measured in the assessment. Often teams choose to start from a certain base, which later turns out to be only a secondary challenge for the team. The real problem or opportunity is mostly to be found in one of the (anti-clockwise) previous bases. 

A good example is a tech scale-up leadership team that wanted to challenge one another more, and thereby increase their level of joint accountability. But as they did neither have the trust in each other, nor had they an aligned view of their goals, they had to work on these bases before they could be more effective in the way the challenge each other.

Here is a brief introduction to the 7 bases. 

Clarity & motivation.

What is our goal, and why do we pursue it?

It seems trivial to ask this question, but in reality we meet many teams who have multiple versions of their vision and goals. This opens the door for misunderstandings, frustration and ineffectiveness, and must be dealt with.

Commitment

To reach our goal, what do we expect and need from one another? 

In this base, we look at the expectations and needs from a business perspective, rather than from an interpersonal one. If a team wants to achieve a certain goal, they need to commit their time, effort, expertise and resources from their respective departments. 

Connection & trust

Who am I? Who are you? Who are we?

Many teams say “we need to build trust”, and expect everything to be better thereafter. That’s partly true, but it requires the willingness to be vulnerable and real. And it requires the ability to co-create the team-identity – not as a sum of individuals, but rather as a third entity with its own “soul”..

Psychological safety

What is important to us, and how can we make it safe to take risks?

The step from individual trust to team psychological safety seems easy. But it only happens if the team is clear on their exact principles of collaboration. Teams need to be aware of behaviours that create anxiety, and understand how they can give one another space and encouragement in the context of what they are doing in their daily work together.

Performance Accountability

How can we perform better by challenging with love, for impact?

This base is painful for many teams, because they believe that they already do challenge each other. But often it is a pseudo-challenge, unsafe and unconstructive. Constructive challenging can be learned, and when based on a solid level of psychological safety and a clear vision, teams create a high performance “friendly fight club” and close the boring cozy club.

Collective efficacy

How can we be fully confident in our team and utilize our abilities?

The unspoken “doubts” in team members and their capabilities are the “Elephants in the room”. Teams need to share their doubts, as this is the only way to deal with them. And only then will the team be confident as a whole, and stop being dominated by the most confident team member.

Sustain performance

How can the team take advantage of the change, instead of only coping with it?

This is where truly high performing teams excel; They do not just want to co-exist with the Covid-19 challenges (as an example). Instead, they adopt their business and approaches to take advantage of it. It is an entirely different mindset of aspiration for growth vs. avoiding problems.

EXAMPLE: WHEN LOW TEAM CONFIDENCE HURTS THE TEAM.

This pharma company’s performance is excellent, but the executive team has a tendency to focus more on their individual areas of responsibility than the overall performance. The CEO wanted the executive team to become Team One, and to be more cohesive and strategic in their work.

When we benchmarked the member’s level of confidence in themselves, with their level of confidence in the executive team, it turned out that there was an unhealthy imbalance that drove the team apart. Several members doubted their team’s ability to get the job done, and consequently demonstrated dysfunctional behaviours that negatively impacted the team and  the entire organization: Micro management and unaligned actions. 

When the team realized this imbalance, we could identify the dysfunctional behaviours and the underlying reasons. We started covering some of the other bases in the framework, that had so-far been left uncovered.

This is a paraphrasing of what emerged:

• Low Clarity: “The vision is great, but we have conflicting goals”.

• Low Connection: “We don’t know each other well, and most of us have never met in person”.

• Low Accountability: “I don’t want to be challenged by someone who doesn’t know my business area”.

When opinions like these surface, it is a critical situation, with risks and opportunities. It was a process that needed to happen, and we only got there because we first uncovered where the team was not in sync: The lack of confidence in the team. Today, the team is on a good path to become a cohesive Team One, instead of being a group of department heads only.

Team momentum = Hope x Confidence x Optimism.

 We hope that you find the 7 Bases Framework helpful, and we invite you to critically review it  and to give us your feedback. Feel free to reach out to learn more, or if you want help with your team’s development.

Yours,

Henrik

About the photo: The Sirius Patrol patrols the borders of Greenland. A unit consists of two officers, up-to 15 dogs and their sleigh. Their survival depends entirely on how well they function as a team. These team’s service, performance and unity is truly extraordinary, and it is a great story to dive into instead of Netflix binge-watching.

My team is my castle.

The Danish team lost a semi-final, but these guys learned for life and inspired people around the world.

Two aspects of the Danish national team’s EURO2020 journey caught my attention, and I believe there is inspiration for any team to be found here. Of course, I can only view what happened from a distance, but several of the emotional press conferences and interviews in the last weeks, distilled two aspects that inspired me. Maybe you find something in it too.

#1 - My Team is My Castle.

When their team mate was down, the team formed a protective circle. A castle, you may say. It was a deeply touching and impressive moment. The players took responsibility, and gave all what they had: Their compassion, love and protection. We would all have understood if they would have stepped away because it was too dramatic to deal with, but they did not hide.

I had many conversations about this moment, and believe that it was not only born out of the dramatic situation. What many (non-Danes) are not aware of is that at the backside of the jersey there is an imprint saying “En del af noget stoerre” – “Part of something bigger”. The team forming process started several years earlier, and focused on not only playing football to win, but to create a sense of belonging and unity that transcends the game. They have truly built a team that is connected, both internally and externally. The forming of a protective “castle” was a logical consequence. It was not a coincidence; It is simply what this team has become.

#2 - A vulnerable leader is a strong leader. 

In the team press conferences on 13th June, the team leadership gave insight into what happened on the pitch, and in the hours after. It struck me, that Kasper Hjulmand (the coach) and Peter Moeller (the President of the Football Association), did not hide their own vulnerability. Additionally, they questioned their own decisions and behaviours that led to the game being continued the same evening. 

In essence they admitted that they were not the leaders they should have been in that moment, which made them truly human. It would have been easy to not address their self-doubts and shortcomings, but they chose a path of unconditional honesty and responsibility. How often do we see business leaders doing this?

Football is not only football, business is not only business.

It really doesn’t matter that Denmark did not win the Euro2020. Instead, they showed us all that compassion, love, generosity and togetherness is what really make teams strong. In business, we should not need a colleague to collapse with a heart attack, to call up the same sense of team spirit. Every day, we all have the opportunity to reach out to colleagues, support them, give them new perspectives and connect as human beings. 

If we look at Denmark’s performance in the tournament, one word come to my mind: Momentum. The team moved from a situation of fear, to an incredible team momentum. Born out of the sense of unity, purpose and love. This is something that any other team can learn from, and integrate in the way they work together. I will share some thoughts and some of the work we do on Team Momentum in a later article.

What’s next?

From a psychological perspective, I am curious about what will happen the next months:

• How will the players digest their experiences?

• How will they come together as a team in the next matches? 

• How will the coach go about not nominating players in future, who were part of this tournament? 

• What will this “exclusion” do to a non-nominated player, who may feel that he is no longer “part of something bigger”.

• What will this do to the team spirit?

The challenge for the team leadership will be to continue to foster the belief of being “part of something bigger”, even if a player is not part of the nominated team. I am sure they are aware of this, and that they will work on it. 

To me, that is the true strength of this team.

Yours, Henrik

Challenge with love, for impact.

Do you give bla bla feedback, or do you care enough to challenge?

Most leaders care about their people, their colleagues and their mission. But many of them are too shy about challenging their fellow leaders. They are not energetically questioning status quo, bringing new perspectives, disagreeing with each other, pushing boundaries, and learning together. Leadership teams need this intense internal sparring, like a football team needs competitiveness in their training; Lame training leads to lame games.

If you truly care, you love to challenge - and be challenged.

When leaders do not challenge each other.

Paradoxically, many leaders shy away from challenging their peers. Instead of clearly formulating their point of view, they “beat around the bush”. Instead of holding each other accountable for performance, they let each other of the hook too easily.

Why does this happen? Some leaders wrap up their opinions in meaningless niceties, because they want harmony and avoid conflict at any cost. Others fear retaliation when they challenge others, because there is an eye-for-an-eye principle in their team. And a few simply don’t care enough. Whatever the reason for not challenging each other, it leads to counter productive silo thinking that reduces cross functional accountability and performance. Is is a downward spiral.

Effective leadership teams constantly spar with each other, as they do not accept to merely continue to do, what they have done. They look for improvements and growth. They debate, disagree, challenge, decide, commit and do. They create an upward spiral of learning and action.

non-challenging leaders stall the organization.

When leaders do not challenge each other, it can be seen as a sign of not respecting each other, and not caring enough for each other, to speak the truth. As a result, mediocrity becomes the norm. The rest of the organization sees that “challenging each other” is unnecessary, maybe even unsafe. People play it safe and organizations stall. Comically, the same leaders who initiated this downward spiral, later complain that problems are ignored, collaboration is poor, commitment is low and innovation does not happen. 

It’s easy to give support, and much more complicated to challenge constructively with impact.

The CHALLENGER mentality.

In our High Challenge, High Support leadership development engagements, we evaluate how much support and challenge members of leadership teams give to and receive from each other. On average, leaders rate themselves to provide a balanced and significant level of support and challenge to their peers. But they surprisingly rate that they themselves, receive significantly less challenge than support from their fellow leaders. And they want to be more challenged by their peers.

In this situation, the team needs to develop a challenge code, where they connect caring and challenging in a new way. They need to continue supporting each other, be more incisive in their communication and call each other out if there is too little challenging going on.

5 questions can help teams to close the challenge-gap:

1. If we do not challenge each other more, how will our team and business look like 1 year from now?

2. What do I gain, when someone is challenging me?

3. What is my contribution to my counterpart, when I challenge her/him?

4. What do we need from each other, to make constructive challenge the norm in our team?

5. How do we go about it, when we feel someone is not challenging enough?

Leaders have an obligation to challenge each other, and a right to be challenged by each other. It is the only way they can grow individually and as a team, and it is an important signal for the rest of the organization, when their leaders demonstrate how to constructively challenge one another.

Challenge with love, for impact.

To create positive impact, it is necessary to challenge with a sense of “love”. The goal is to create new value, and it can be helpful to keep a few “guidelines” in mind:

• Be clear on what your objective with the challenge is, and avoid “beating around the bush”.

• See and interact with your counterpart with unconditional positive regard. Connect with the person, and work the topic. Not the other way around.

• Forget about being “objective”, as it is humanly impossible. It’s OK that your challenge is based on your personal experiences and perceptions, because that is what you are paid for as a leader.

• Seek to build a common path forward, where both parties belong and play a role.

• Seek to build confidence, optimism and hope, as this creates the energy you need to move forward together. 

anyone can challenge and lead.

“Leadership” and “challenge” should not only be reserved for leaders by title. They are both activities that can be exercised by anyone in the organization, who is ready to take responsibility and make a difference. Therefore, one of the most important tasks of the leader-by-title, is to empower the organization to do leadership and challenge, beyond their own defined tasks. This is what ultimately makes organziations better places to work, and better companies to do business with.

In this article we shared some of the systemic development work we do with leadership teams, and we invite you to read more about our High Challenge, High Support leadership development program here.

For inquiries, please contact Henrik@novosensus.org.

"With Constant Care": What we can learn from Maersk’s deep transformation.

Maersk transforms how logistics business is done, and how 80.000 people work together. It’s too early to judge if it will be successful, but it is already clear that Maersk’s transformation offers a new view on how logistics providers can think, act and do business.

One of the guideposts for the transformation is Maersk’s famous core value “with Constant Care”. It  originates from a letter that Mr. A. P. Moeller wrote to his son, Mr. Maersk Mc-Kinney Moeller, 75 years ago. Over time, Constant Care has evolved, but it still plays an important role in Maersk. The evolution of Constant Care over decades represents 3 important mindshifts, that other logistics companies potentially can learn from.

The evolution of Constant Care.

Originally, Constant Care was avoidance focused, designed to prevent loss. Later, Constant Care softened somewhat to allow for faster decisions, but there was still a notion of avoidance. Both interpretations of Constant Care were defined by a “finite mindset”, with little space for curiosity. It was about filling vessels as productively as possible, and adhering to the established rules with an adhering and zero-sum mindset. 

In the newest update of Constant Care, an abundance mindset emerges, with an emphasis on exploring the surroundings. It is about being curious, discovering new possibilities and thinking out of the box. Literally.

A core cultural value is something an organization should only changes with Constant Care (pardon the pun). It is safe to assume that Maersk reinterpreted Constant Care with the objective to guide the transformation. In this, there are three significant psychological shifts that drive the organizational mindset.

Shift 1: From an avoidance to an aspirational mindset.

The avoidance mindset hates to be wrong. Mistakes are disasters that easily lead to blame and feelings of guilt. People learn to take the safe bets, and protection and prevention drive the culture. The aspirational mindset is different, as it looks towards what can be, and how to get there. It is constructive, instead of reactive. There is an appealing vision, which is it worth to take some chances for to achieve. Often, aspirational minds are willing to experiment and explore, to learn when things do not go as expected.

This mindshift does not mean that risks are ignored, but they are viewed through a different lens. The odds are calculated with a focus on how to make things work, instead of how not to do it wrong. 

Shift 2: From a finite to an abundance mindset.

A mindset of abundance is characterized by curiosity and exploration, with the objective to create a new reality. The existing rules that a finite mindset adhere to, are no longer accepted and followed. Instead, the abundance mindset is willing to take risks, and is more focused on expanding the business scope and value generation, than exploiting status quo. The abundance mindset has an optimistic and constructive worldview, and a higher confidence in own abilities to create newness. 

For both shifts, learning is central. No aspiration can be achieved, without learning to leave the comfort zone, and no abundance mindset will make a good business, without learning to focus on the right things. Therefore, Maersk’s transformation is at core about unlearning and learning.

Shift 3: From defensive pessimism to realistic optimism.

It would be wrong to ever characterize Maersk as a pessimistic organization, and yet Maersk today conveys a more optimistic worldview than in the past. If we look into 4 psychological classification on the pessimism-optimism continuum, you can try for yourself to classify how you experience Maersk and your own organization today:

 My observation is that Constant Care was originally an expression of defensive pessimism, and it has over time evolved towards a realistic optimistic state.

The Maersk transformation.

From an organizational psychological perspective, Maersk’s transformation is in essence about enabling people to move through the described 3 shifts. The forming of an aspirational, abundance and realistic optimistic mindset is a personal journey for every employee. Some find it easier than others. The integration of new people, with different attitudes, behaviours and professional expertise, at the same time both enables and complicates the transformation of the company culture. 

The shift from a finite to an abundance mindset creates a new set of expectations towards employees and leaders. To successfully grow integrated logistics solutions and digital services, that drive more and a different kind of value for clients, the organization must create new ways of interacting. That can naturally lead to conflicts between liner and logistics people, and between asset focused experts and tech entrepreneurs.

Problems occur when people are not close to each other on the avoidance/finite thinking vs aspirational/abundance continuum. When leaders operate with a finite and avoidance focused mindset, while their people aspire to build new possibilities with an abundance mindset, misunderstandings and frustrations emerge. This is also a looming conflict between liner and logistics people, that potentially can slow down the transformation. 

A transformation of a gigantic and proud organization takes time, and experiences ups and downs. Therefore, Constant Care is as important as ever for Maersk. 

Outlook for other logistics organizations and people.

Maersk’s transformation is a force that reforms how the global logistics industry functions. In response, some companies will be radical in the way they create new value for customers and employees, while others will grow through M&A, until they realize that their culture is not elastic enough. But the vast majority of LSPs will only take incremental steps, that may turn out to be too little and too late. Thus, now is the time to critically review the company vision and strategy.

Logistics people, need to unlearn and learn. Some even need to “learn to learn”, as they have been caught in uncurious organizations, where there was no need to learn anew. If they do not embrace the changes, and build new mindsets, abilities and skills, they risk becoming irrelevant. 

Therefore, logistics professionals and logistics service providers should work on becoming more aspirational and approach the future with an abundance mindset. The motto for this transformation could be “With Constant Care and Curiosity”.

Why middle managers are more important than senior leaders.

To move the organization from surviving to thriving, middle managers are now more important than senior leaders. As they are closer to the workforce through their daily interactions, middle managers can directly influence and support employees to thrive anew.

Not all employees thrive in the “new normal”, and for some it is difficult to overcome the fatigue and worries of the last months. They need a “leg up” to build the energy and courage they need to move ahead. 

The roles of middle managers.

Sandwiched between the executive leadership’s strategic vision, high performance expectations, and the day-to-day challenges of executing this with the operational colleagues, middle managers have several vital roles: Bridge-builders, explainers, energisers, and enablers.

Middle managers are often faced with the practical question of “How do I do it?” I believe this is where the often ignored Psychological Capital (or PsyCap) construct, and a shift towards an enabling leadership mindset, can be helpful. 

A mindset of enablement.

I will use the spartan runners as an illustration of an enabling mindset. Giving someone a leg up is an offer of support, which only works when the runners collaborate. It requires the help  receiving person to actively engage and to put effort into the moment. In contrast, “pulling or pushing someone up” puts almost of the entire effort on the helper.)

As a middle manager, you can use a similar approach with your people by:

• Being connected: Check in regularly what your people feel and what they need

• Being involved: Get your hands dirty, not staying only at the surface of problems.

• Having empathy: See the obstacles from your people’s perspective, and not only in terms of the strategy directions you receive from above

• Inspiring: Show them your challenges, and how you approach them

• Motivating: Encourage and build their sense of confidence

Building Psychological Capital.

The PsyCap construct offers a simple and powerful “map” that can guide middle managers efforts to enable their people to grow through building their resources of resilience, optimism, confidence and willpower. I view PsyCap as the building blocks of the elusive Growth Mindset, that for many is a fuzzy aspiration.

PsyCap is “an individual’s positive psychological state of development” (F. Luthans, 2007) that is characterized by having high levels of Willpower, Confidence, Resilience, and Optimism. As PsyCap is both measurable and developable, it is in a way a reflection of who you are and what you can become.

Practically speaking, middle managers can enable their employees to build more resilience, optimism, confidence and willpower through a set of interventions.

A step-by-step approach.

1 - Build resilience and overcome adversity.

• Support the employee to identify what went wrong, what it taught them, and what they will do differently next time

• Support them to focus on their efforts, rather than comparing themselves with the goal

• Remember this: “Resilience” is only the beginning of a process.

2 - Build optimism and overcome pessimistic thinking:

• Support your employee to identify what they are worried about, leave their negative beliefs behind them, and help them to reframe and overcome their concerns 

• Support employees to appreciate their strengths and resources, and create ways for them to better utilise those assets 

• Remember this: “Optimism” is a process, not something that can be “switched on”.

3 - Build confidence and overcome self-doubt.

• Support employees to re-connect with their goal, rediscover why this is important to them, and look for past experiences where they successfully mastered a tough challenge

• Support employees to build positive emotional energy through encouragement, and reinforce their strengths and importance 

• Remember this: “Confidence” is a fuel that needs regular top-up

4 - Build willpower and achieve goals.

• Support employees to draw up a path towards the goal, foresee obstacles, and line up potential solutions and required resources

• Support them to use positive vocabulary, to focus on what they can really influence, and help them to preserve their energy

• Remember this: “Willpower” is a finite but rechargeable resource 

PsyCap and organizational development.

Through our development work with organisations, we experience that middle manager’s awareness of, and the application of, Psychological Capital construct is powerful for many individual and organizational indicators. A meta-study (Avey, 2011) identified that a higher level of PsyCap can have up-to 24% positive effect on Anxiety, Stress, Positive Mood, Motivation, Empathy, Collaboration and Goal Achievement.

PsyCap can be used as a framework to intentionally focus on people development interactions, instead of merely pushing employees to increase their performance. In this article we have condensed some of our practical interventions, and we invite you to reach out for a conversation about how PsyCap can support your organization.

OK, Senior leaders are of course not unimportant, and in reality the move from surviving to thriving is hugely dependent on senior leaders mindset and actions. But without the middle managers, this is not going to work.

Yours,

Henrik

9 ways to earn “Upwards Empathy”.

At the 2015 White House Correspondent Dinner party, president Obama brought Luther, his anger translator to the podium. It’s hilarious, and you can see how it worked out here.

But in the workplace, we don’t have anger translators and have to find our own ways to bring in and foster empathy.

How leaders make it easier to receive empathy.

1. Review your employee interactions over the last week: Where did you do something with the objective to avoid being wrong? These are the moments where you are inauthentic and do not allow people to know how you really feel. So, how can they then be empathetic with you?

2. Ask open-ended questions, and don’t try to enforce your opinion on every little matter. Give other people space, and trust them to come up with good answers.

3. If you don’t know the answer to something, say it, and ask for help. Because, “Fake it won’t make it”.

4. If you messed something up, apologise. It’s a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness.

5. Stop being defensive and avoid making up excuses, complicated explanations and irrelevant logic. Nobody has empathy with such a person — least of all it it’s their boss.

6. If you are in doubt whether you appear ‘invulnerable’ to your people, consider who will be willing to give you unfiltered feedback. If you can’t identify anyone, then you have probably have a “brand” of being infallible and invulnerable. You better start changing that.

How employees can build Empathy with their leaders.

1. Step into your Boss’ shoes. What’s going on in their mind? What pressure or frustrations are they experiencing? You can use the “Boss Empathy Map” below to help you build new perspectives, and discover reasons to be Empathetic with your boss.

2. Is your boss feeling lonely? Leaders often feel lonely. It can be a very intense emotion, and something they often hide behind a mask of invulnerability. For employees, it can be hard to see the suffering behind the mask, and almost inconceivable that a seemingly successful person can feel lonely. But it’s a fact, that you should keep in mind.

3. Are you expecting your boss to be Perfect? If you do, you expect them to be inhuman and invulnerable. Your expectations are too high. Instead, accept that mistakes happen, also for your boss, and that decisions may not always work out as planned. Allow them to be vulnerable. Give your boss a bit of leeway, and offer your empathy and proactive support instead.

Try these new perspectives, and many behaviours and situations will appear in a different light. Don’t wait to be invited to be empathetic. Just be it.

Yours, Henrik

Like Klopp? High Challenge, High Support Leadership.

I will never forget the way you made me feel like I was everything.

I will never forget the way you made me feel like I was nothing.

-Antonio M. Arce

This is not about football, and not about a poem of shattered love.

It’s about how leaders can support and challenge their people, enabling them to be confident and to perform.

high challenge, high support leadership made visible.

I only know Juergen Klopp from TV and the occasional interview where he shares his views on leadership. If you look closer at this photo of Klopp and his player (John Ibe), you will see that it is full of emotions, and I will use this to demonstrate what leadership can be. It is an intimate conversation, probably at the side of the pitch. Maybe the player is about to be sent onto the field in the 85th minute, and his coach clearly gives him something. But what is it?

It is a moment of connection, motivation, trust and empowerment. I cannot imagine Klopp is saying “Don’t make any mistakes like you did last time”. The voice-over here is more likely “I trust you, go out there and give it your best!”.

When this player runs onto the pitch, he is willing to take responsibility. He will do cheeky dribblings and have a shot at the goal when there is an opportunity. He is not going to be concerned about making a mistake.

In this situation, I see a leader who enables one of his employees to be confident, to have courage and to perform at his best. It is a visualisation of High Challenge, High Support leadership.

Leadership is about multiplying people’s capacities, and enable them to be at their best.

business leaders can learn from Klopp.

Leadership at work and on a football pitch are of course not the same thing. Yet, there are several transferable leadership behaviours. One of them, is how leaders enable their people to multiply their capacities, through support and challenge.

Unfortunately, “enabling” leadership competencies are rated to be critically low by many employees. In our 2020 research we found that employee’s rate their leaders to be weak on 4 vital competencies:

• Their ability to make the employee feel confident and strong.

• The ability to give Constructive Feedback.

• The ability to give Clear Directions.

• The ability to Inspire.

For a second, just imagine how Juergen Klopp would be, if he would not have his Enabling competencies… he would send a player onto the pitch without direction, without feedback from the last match, telling him that he is no good and to not make mistakes. This kind of disempowerment is inconceivable when we we think about a great football coach, but yet this is how many employees experience their leaders at work.

when leaders disempower.

I don’t know any leader who goes to work with the mission to make people feel weak, but I know many employees who feel that this is exactly what their boss does. I call it Disempowerment. These employees feel that they are treated as “resources”, and they try to meet the expectations of their boss, but often do not understand what is actually required of them. They struggle with tight deadlines and high demands, are left alone, and even robbed of their motivation. Their bosses themselves are often high performers, but they do not have the ability to connect with the feelings of their people and enable them to perform.

To demonstrate my point I refer you to a recent Mckinsey research that shows that 61% of employees experience only a low level of support, and only 26% receive both supportive and challenging leadership.

This is particularly damaging in a transformation scenario, where employees need direction, security, support and inspiration from their leaders. The one-to-one feedback moments are “moments of truth”, where destructive, demotivating and unclear feedback creates tremendous damage. It leaves the employee in a state of confusion and frustration. Consequently, the transformation is not going to work out as planned, and business leaders need to rethink their approach.

I see you, I hear you, you are important to me!

This is where I would like to connect my story with the photo of Juergen Klopp and his player: In this brief moment-of-truth, the photo radiates a relationship that is based on seeing each other, hearing each other and that people are important to each other. It is a moment of empathy, trust, connection, hope, and the result is that the player will do his very best.

We need more of this kind of empathic high challenge, high support leadership.

Afterthought: Enabling leaders never stop supporting their people.

The player in the photo, John Ibe, is very talented but did not make the cut under Juergen Klopp. He was traded to Bournemouth and was shortly after instrumental in defeating Klopp’s team in a surprising victory. Klopp reacted by giving John Ibe a big hug on the pitch just after the final whistle.

Although John Ibe was no longer a Klopp employee, Klopp still took on the role of a connected and enabling leader for him. You can read more about it here.

Yours,

Henrik

Empathy is a Leadership Superpower.

High Challenge, High Support leadership only works with Empathy.

Being an empathic leader has nothing to do with being “soft” and not getting upset. It also does not exclude holding people accountable and imposing consequences. The thing about Empathic leaders is that they keep their relationship intact, and feel with the person they are dealing with.

Consequently, high empathy leader’s teams have 2x the level of Engagement, Collaboration and Psychological Safety, compared to low empathy leader’s teams*.

If you want to increase your people’s wellbeing and performance, you can start right here. In this article we share 5 simple steps how to bring in more empathic leadership.

fake empathy backfires.

Faked empathy is manipulation, with the goal to bring other people into a the relaxed state of mind, which can then be taken advantage of. The pressured leader can fake empathy and sweet-talk, to get understanding for an unpopular decision. But people notice when they are subjected to fake empathy, and it destroys trust. It back fires. We often play along when we encounter fake empathy, because it can be the safe thing to do. The alternative is a conflict, which we may want to avoid.

An example of Empathic leadership.

Martin, a hardworking and high performing staff, emails his superior, Susan, with bad news: The work level overwhelms him, and he cannot continue to take care of certain critical tasks. He is running out of energy, and he hates to admit it.

Instinctively, Susan knows that this moment requires something more than a Yes or No. She calls Martin, wanting to better understand what’s going on. Susan sees Martin’s email as an invitation to connect, rather than just solving a problem. She focuses on Martin, his situation and their relationship, not the problem. When Susan responds this way, she enables Martin to feel seen, heard and important.

This is exactly what Empathic Leadership and Communication is all about.

For many leaders it is awkward to focus on the person first, and not the problem. They believe they are paid to solve problems. But in fact, leaders are paid to enable their people to thrive and perform.

How to step into another person’s shoes

1. What is the person’s context?

It’s easy to only focus on the Content of the message “I want to stop doing certain tasks”, and respond to only that. But what is going on for the person otherwise? Working from home can be stressful, or there are some worries that the person needs to deal with. Take a few moments to imagine the other person’s situation, emotions and potential needs.

2. What is important for the person?

If this is a staff of yours, think back to your previous interactions, and explore what you have experienced being important to the person. Maybe this person values being perfect, or maybe the person finds energy in meeting people face-to-face, which is now impossible. Take a few moments to imagine your counterpart’s pains, unmet needs and expectations.

How to respond constructively

3. Recognise the person!

When you start to respond, make sure you really connect with the person. Ensure that they feel that this conversation is important to you. It also helps your counterpart tremendously, to feel recognized. Even better, if they feel that you appreciate them on as a personal.

4. Align! Both context, content and emotions.

At this stage, remember that you may still not know what this is all about. It’s easy to let your assumptions make you jump to premature conclusions, and this is where most leaders go wrong. Instead try this:

1. Ask the person to explain the situation, how it impacts them and what they need.

2. Support them to identify and verbalize their context and emotions.

3. Enable them to verbalize what they (really) need.

While doing this, don’t lead people in the direction you want. Suspend your judgement, and be open for what may come up. Be ready to “dance in the moment”.

How to co-create and move ahead.

5. Co-create! Both decisions and actions.

It’s tempting to take a decision and close the conversation now. In some cases, this may be the right approach, but not always. Think of this moment as an opportunity, where you can choose between Giving Help or instead Empower the person. Switch off your autopilot, and be intentional about your choice. Weigh options together, debate alternatives and potential solutions. Be open for solutions you may not have considered before.

Finally, ensure that the (hopefully joint) decision and actions are clear in terms of What, When and Who, and suppress your urge to define what the person needs to do. That’s their job, not yours. Agree on a time to check in with each other again, and stick to it.

Empathy is a Leadership Superpower

People want to know that they leader cares about them. Today, more than ever.

In our research* with more than 1.800 employees with a global distribution, we identified that a leader’s level of empathy leads to a 2x higher level of team collaboration, employee engagement and psychological safety. We also identified that the leader influences 60% of the teams sense of psychological safety.

That’s why empathy is a leadership super-power. It pays off for everyone, and does not need any investments.

Yours, Henrik

Book tip

The mindset to lead with true empathy, and some of the steps in the approach we use, are inspired by the great work of Crystal and Gregor Lim-Lange in their book Deep Human. In this book, they bring simple and impactful ways to lead with more Empathy, that any culture worker, HR business partner or leader, can learn from.

*Research published June, 2020. Reach out to us for a copy.