(Part 7 of the series “Navigating Men's Midlife”)
Over the holidays, I took some time to reflect on my own midlife journey and those of my clients. It was prompted by several people asking questions about HOW to transform during midlife.
MY MIDLIFE JOURNEY
In my early 40s I reached a point where I and my life was not what I wanted it to be.
It was a bit of a shocker to be honest, as it happened while I thought I was on the right track with a satisfying career, with lots of opportunities and hope for the future. The dissatisfaction sneakily crept up on me over a period of 3-4 years. The initial diffuse uneasiness became irritation, then disgust and pain. It was my call for change.
Then came the soul-searching period, with all its confusion, existential questions and sense making. In this period, my now wife was the best supporter I could ever have imagined. The disgust about me and my life slowly transformed into a desire – a desire that later became my new life and work.
With a newfound desire in my heart, I became clear on what within me I wanted to be seen more, and what I wanted to become. This was the point where the midlife process significantly shifted, from inner work to creating myself anew. I had defined my mission. I created an educational path (it took 4 years, but actually it never ends…), to build the new knowledge and capabilities I felt I needed for my life intention. I also changed my job, and moved to a role where I had the time to pursue my studies and experiment with my new “identity”. The educational fees and lower salary was the biggest monetary investment I ever made in my life, and a bet on me and my future that was both scary and logical.
This was my way to reinvent myself, and it led to the founding of novosensus and the life I live today. My journey is definitely not a blueprint to copy, but I do hope that it helps to see some of the moments you can expect to experience, and maybe there is some inspiration in this for your own inner midlife work.
Looking into on my own journey, and the journeys of my clients, a cycle of midlife change crystalises. 8 stages that evolve from inner work to external action.
The choices we can make.
During the midlife change cycle, we have many choices that we can make:
1 - Do I review my life, or not?
2 - Do I pay attention to emotional signals, or not?
3 - Do I dare reflecting on my current and future identity, or not?
4 - Do I start dreaming and listen to my desires, or not?
5 - Do I invest into developing a new purpose, or not?
6 - Do I start developing my intention for the future as a “business plan”, or not?
7 - Do I start experimenting and taking action on my intention, or not?
0 - Do I allow the process to start all over again, or not?
At any time, we can decide to abandon the process. Maybe the time is not yet right, or the pain is not bad enough. You decide what works for you, and there is no “right” or “wrong”.
The mission: When new purpose turns into a concrete intention.
Some mid-lifers realize that they want their future to be different from their lives up-to now. Their “next level” is something that is beyond what they were or did so-far, they want to expand, or pivot, and maybe they want to change their way of being. This is when the real fun starts…
In the moment when the unlocked dreams, desires and a new purpose is unleashed, the work can start on creating your new life/work intention, and bringing it all to life. For me personally, this was one of the best periods of my life, as I was on a deeply meaningful mission. In this stage, I also experience some of clients who seem to be propelled by a new level of clarity, confidence and sense of self-worth. They are able to utilize their past life and business experiences in a new way, and they are surprising themselves with their courage, entrepreneurship, and creativity. They are motivated by their purpose, and they live to bring their intention to life.
Don’t jump too fast…do the INNER work first.
There is a lot at stake.
Be smart and bold.
What is it within you, that you want to be seen and utilized more?
The possibilities for the future are there, but I am not sure if they are limitless. I don’t believe that we can become and do whatever we want, but we can surely do and be more than who we are today.
I experience midlife senior leaders who chose to pivot into what they are already great at, and late-bloom in their leadership in their 50s. Others choose to invest their lives into topics of societal impact, some leave the corporate world to set up their own business, and yet others do a Phd so that they can become professors in their 50s. In fact, one of my clients in Vietnam chose this path, and it is extremely impressive to see her tenacity in bringing her intention and mission to life.
A big consideration that comes up for many, is around what is practical. Up-to this point, the focus has probably been on practicality in terms of salary, upbringing of children and safety.
But what if…
…you now make actionable what was previously impractical?
…you now live ro bring your dreams to life?
…you now can start to be seen more for what is really important to you?
If you want to go further into this, it may be a good idea for you to look into the concept of Ikigai and use one of the countless Ikigai canvasses to bring structure to your thoughts.
Yours,
Henrik