this is part 2 of “Martin’s story”.

here you can read 6 ways that help to avoid a painful and unnecessary resignation.

In June I shared the first part of Martin’s frustrating story, and told you about how he was “pacified” with praise by his superiors, and how he felt abandoned. As a result, his frustration grew, he resigned in September and joined a competitor.

Martin was proud about his company, worked hard and successfully, and he did not really want to leave. But he was unable to get the attention of his superior, and could not have the conversations he needed. The enormous workload was one issue, but what really made him resign was the feeling of being taken for granted, and the disinterest in dealing with him on a personal level.

“People don’t leave companies, they leave their bosses”.

Martin resigned, because his boss did not listen and engage with him. He lost his hope, and gave up.

I work with both leaders and employees, and hear the same story from two different perspectives. The leaders are often surprised about people resigning, as they misinterpreted the gravity of the situation. The employees are mostly deeply frustrated, and thinks that the leader doesn’t care about them. Both sides got it wrong, and it I often wish that I could have been involved earlier, while there was still a chance to create common ground.

Here are 6 of my learnings from these situations.

What leaders can do differently.

Do what you are paid for.
Even though you are super busy and under pressure, you are responsible for your people and their wellbeing at work. If you cannot muster a mindset of responsibility and care, it’s better if you ask your bosses to be relieved of your leader duties, before you hurt your employees. Your most basic job as a leader is to make your people feel seen, heard and important. If you can’t do that, you are not a leader. I know it sounds harsh, but I am dead serious.
Be empathic.
Be connected with your people, listen deeply and feel what they feel. Put yourself in their shoes, maybe by remembering back to when you were also just an employee. Be empathic, don’t try to fake it. You are important for your staff, often more than you think. When leading from home, make sure that you check in regularly, and create the trust in you, that people need in order to come to you.
Find the autonomy balance.
Ask questions, learn - don’t assume. If you are good at giving autonomy, it doesn’t mean that you should not inquire what is going on. Some employees need more freedom than others, and you need to figure out what the right balance is. If in doubt, ask your staff what they need from you. Co-create your relationship.

What employees can do differently.

Communicate, don’t assume your boss can read your mind.
Take co-responsibility for your relationship with your boss, and don’t be shy about bringing forward your needs and expectations. If your boss is busy, don’t give up, and follow up to get those conversations going. But don’t put everything on your boss, and don’t see yourself as a victim of circumstances, and stop bitching (in case you have caught yourself doing so...).
Be empathic.
Put yourself in your boss’ shoes, and ask yourself what kind of challenges she/he may be dealing with right now. You can even be empathic with your boss and their situation, and tell them that. Don’t be afraid of caring for your superior, because in most cases, they will actually appreciate you for it.. Seriously, there is a lot going on for many leaders now.
Own it.
You are responsible for your happiness. Your company and supervisor bear no responsibility at all. Figure out what you need to be motivated, committed, fulfilled and happy - and then go for it. Sometimes you can find this in your current company, sometimes you may be better off somewhere else. It’s your decision.

Martin and his boss share the responsibility for the outcome, as they were both caught in their own “bubbles”. It’s too easy to say that Martin is a victim, and his boss is guilty. But I believe there is more to it than that.

What do you think?

As I said, these are some of my learning points from my coaching work, and I realise there are many other things I have not listed here. I also know that I am not presenting these learnings in a typical coaching manner in this article. That’s why I call them “kicks-in-the-butt”, and I hope that the sharpness of some formulations can help stuck leaders and employees find new perspectives - before it’s too late.

Yours

Henrik